The many faces of loneliness and ostracism - and what can be done

 Loneliness can feel overwhelming for those who experience it. People have an innate need to belong to different social groups and without this sense of belonging the risk of mental and physical illness increases. Studies have compared the health effects of not having social connections to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In Finland, for example, according to Statistics Finland, almost a third of people feel lonely all or most of the time. For children and young people in particular, the experience of persistent loneliness can have far-reaching consequences, affecting their ability to learn and integrate into communities. Loneliness also increases the risk of exclusion, self-harm, violence and radicalisation.   

But how do you define loneliness? Often loneliness is defined as the negative personal experience of not having the social relationships that you had hoped to have. Loneliness can be both social and emotional. In social loneliness, a person feels that there are not enough people in their life who are important to them, and in emotional loneliness, there is not enough meaning or closeness in relationships.   

Juho Saari, Professor of Health and Welfare Policy at the University of Tampere, has said that loneliness reduces perceived well-being and health more than any other single factor. According to Mr Saari, loneliness is also a sign of an unequal society. The more unequal a society is, the more loneliness is regularly experienced. The most profound experiences of loneliness are among the most vulnerable groups. Loneliness often further reduces the capacity of vulnerable groups to function, says Saari.  

What is ostracism? 

Loneliness can also be ostracism. Have you heard this term before?   

Ostracism differs from the traditional definition of loneliness in that loneliness is the result of involuntary or deliberate exclusion. Intentional ostracism can be, for example, when a person or group excludes an individual from their group and behaves as if they do not exist, or when they are not invited to social gatherings or deliberately not greeted when encountered. Unintentional ostracism can be, for example, a parent not paying attention to their child when they are on their phone, for example. The person experiencing ostracism does not feel seen or heard.   

Research shows that one in four young people in Finland feel excluded even when they are with others, and one in six wish they could talk to their parents about their loneliness, but do not know how. Many young people feel completely at a loss to deal with the problem. 

Naturally, ostracism has significant negative consequences. It has been studied as a threat to four basic human needs: the need for belonging, self-esteem, the need for control, and the need to feel meaningful in one's existence. In particular, a sense of lack of belonging has been found to lead to a higher risk of suicidal behaviour. The undermining of this sense of belonging is made easier today by technological advances and the consequent increase in the complexity of human relationships. There are more and more possible channels and forms for the realisation of ostracism. The loss of meaning in existence can, in turn, produce a feeling that can at worst be likened to the experience of one's own death - one feels invisible and no longer part of the world around one. The personal effects of ostracism can therefore be extremely serious.

But experiences of ostracism do not only cause personal problems, but can also spill over into the rest of society. Very prolonged ostracism or isolation can, like the more traditional experience of loneliness, lead to radicalisation and possible acts of violence. These violent acts can of course be fatal for close communities. The ongoing school shootings in the United States are a sad example of this. According to one study, in up to 80% of school shootings, the perpetrator has experienced exclusion. In Finland, too, accumulating social problems have been identified as a major threat to safety. The case for preventing ostracism is therefore very strong indeed. But how can it be prevented?  

Influencing ostracism   

Ostracism is a challenging problem and, as you might expect, there are no simple solutions. But Niina Junttila, Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Turku, has some ideas. Junttila says the solutions may involve learning interaction skills at an individual level, practising being part of a group or changing community attitudes. So there is no easy or quick cure. But one possible remedy stands out above all others: training the professionals of the future.  

Junttila says that a bigger change could be achieved by raising awareness that everyone's involvement has an impact on the collective atmosphere. Awareness of this could bring relief from anxiety and depression. At the same time, it is good to remember that not everyone needs to be best friends with everyone else, but everyone should be taken into account and not excluded from the group. Increasing low-threshold social contact has also been seen as a way of reducing feelings of exclusion. Such places for increasing social contact can include clubs, hobbies, student and school communities. 

Professor Juho Saari, for his part, believes that everyone can personally reduce the feeling of loneliness among those close to them and those a little further away. It requires stopping, listening and having the courage to stop watching when you see someone alone or in trouble.  

Let's take a leaf out of this book.